The First Rule
The first rule of recovery is very simple: PRACTICE BEING WHAT YOU WANT TO BECOME. One of the fallacies that people find themselves in so much of the time is that “you just need to try harder.” In times of stress the things that you need to try hard to do don’t normally happen. The things that automatically happen, the things that you do without thinking, are the things that you tend to do.
So you must practice doing the things you want to be able to do when you are stressed when you are not stressed. The more you make it a thing that automatically happens, the more you make it part of you, the more likely it is to happen. Practice may not make perfect, but it does make different.
Practice does not happen when you “try” to practice. It happens when you plan to practice and commit to practice. It has nothing to do with what you feel like doing. It has to do with what you decide to do.
The things you practice doing either make it more likely or less likely you will cope effectively. They set the conditions of your experience. If you do not have a stable routine and get enough sleep you make it less likely you will cope. If you do not work on learning about your disorder and how it plays out in your life you make it less likely you will cope. If you do not have a support system during the good times you make it less likely you will cope in the bad. It is the daily behaviors that set the stage for how you will do in bad times.
One habit to practice is awareness. Know what is going on. The more you know what is going on the better you can anticipate what is going to happen. Since your disorder may cause your awareness to be distorted rely on more than one pair of eyes. Check it out. Do not assume what you feel to be true is true. Build this mechanism into your daily life and it will be there for you when you need it.
Another habit to practice is making sense. The first skill is answering the question what? The second is answering the question so what? You must in particular be able to identify when something is an indication of the activity of your disorder and when it is not. It is hard to make decisions about a course of action if you can’t do that. Of course this implies you have to know what your disorder looks like in real life. Again it helps to have an active support system that you can turn to to make these kind of distinctions.
A final habit that I want to mention is characterized by another question—now what? I know what happened. I know what it means. What is the plan? The more you practice these three steps the more likely they are to become habitual responses to life.
Remember the things you practice more success in life more likely or less likely. Life is hard enough. Give yourself a chance. Practice well.